An old one that I like everytime I read it!

Sometimes I will take my time and re-read some of the old stuff I have written, usually I like it however there are times that I do like what I have written. However, for some reason this happens about once a year? Anyways, there was a time or should I say there are sometimes when I feel like this particular post.

 The Original Title was: Somedays like an Old Bear…..Quietness

The original post Date:  August 13, 2008

Too often these days I look and feel like it is me that fell off the log! So much has gone from my life it makes it difficult to even pretend that I have a reason anymore. I want the smile that others possess I want the laughter I hear in the distance. But, there are too many days where I fear it will never be again? I wake up and I ask myself who is going to take care of this old Bear? As that is what I feel like, an old Bear in the woods that can no longer provide itself with food, let alone a family. An old Bear that is caught in the woods fighting off the younger bears for the cave I used to call home! At other times I feel like the person watching the Discovery Channel and I see this old Bear who has fought for its area and ruled its terrain with vigor. I start to see this bear who ran everything with a ruling fist, who has now become an old tired worn out raggidy Bear who is possibly showing signs of dementia and his coat is wearing thin, along with his heart.

This is how I feel these days, and I don’t want to, it is just the way I am for the time being! Maybe a new spring will come along and I will be able to rise up again, and then I will have my land back, and my coat will fill in like it is supposed to and during this time, this old bear will reign once again! (But, sometimes I fear in my heart that this is just one of those summer dreams that we all have from time to time, and I will wake up and my fur will still be messy, and I will still be hungry, and I will slowly come to realize that it might just be my time.)

Yes, this is how I feel more times then not, and I wished I didn’t!

I know I have been away for quite some time, the pain has grown stronger and the fear is still behind the corner waiting. I just don’t know what else to do? I will be back asap. Thanks to those who have found me!

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My feelings at times are still much the same and as much I wish that they were not like this, but as far as I know there are many people that feel like this? This could come with age, and it could be part of my illness, but to be honest I think it is a combination of both of these things. These days a year later I still feel like an Old Bear, and I still feel like this ground is mine and if you want to try, C’mon!   (Then this again maybe just a good day?) lol

So, we will see how I am a year from now and if I still want to take my ground back! I hope you can find some relation to this post and if not, maybe you will!