30 Seconds and a Smile…Can last a whole Day!

Some day’s life can be great, and other days well….it can suck! And when I mean suck, I mean suck! A lot of time it is for more particular reason, it may just be that the asshole that is driving in front of you may decide that he or she doesn’t want to pay attention to what it is that they are doing, and guess what….Suddenly your day can go a little bit sour.

 The key to this whole thing, and this is the part that we all forget, is that we really control what happens; we give these assholes the power to make our day a Great one or a shitty one! And when it turns into a Great one, everyone involved it happy. Take for instance today, I was driving down the road and listening to some 80’s rock on the Radio, and for anyone that knows me you would say what? You were listening to the Radio? Most of my friends laugh at me because I do not listen to the radio while I am driving my car. It is just a habit that I got into a few years ago, and I really don’t know why I stuck with doing it that way? But when I am by myself I am fine just driving for hours with no Radio playing? To me there is just something about the sound of a good engine that makes my day!  It is just a relaxing sound that just calms me and allows me to just do what I am supposed to do.

 So any ways, I am driving down the Road today and I was starting to pop into the next lane, but before I do switch, I saw a Policeman getting reading to com out of a Fast Food place and then I wonder like we all do….”Is he going to come after me? Will he run my plates and just hassle me for the hell of it, whatever excuses there guys can to pull you over there days. I have another sort of tirade and I will post it later, it is about how these police departments have turned it into a game when it comes into collecting cars they get when they impound your car, and how fast it can go into auction. So to shorten the Story a bit, I hear a honk of a horn and as I said I had my Radio on, so I shut it off, and looked at the cop, then in my rearview mirror and I was about to write it off when I hear someone yell” Hey, Hey you!” and I roll down my window and I say “Yea, what is up?” And the kid in the Passenger seat asks me “What kind of cars is that?” And I told him, and I will say with a little bit of joy in my voice and a smile on my face, (As it had taken me a life time to acquire that care.). He looked at me and gave me the Thumbs up and said, “All Right that is a very cool looking car!” “I said, Thank you and I will admit I had a smile on my face after I pulled away from the light.

 It took me about a mile and obviously a few more minutes to catch up to what I was guessing was him and his Sister, and when I did it was my turn, I asked him to roll down his Window and I said, “I wanted to say Thank you, because I was having a bit of a bad day, and the one thing I never get tired of hearing about is when someone likes the way my car looks, or they compliment on it or what ever good thing they can or have said.”. I am a bit of a lucky person I am lucky enough to own more then one car. So sometimes I guess, that this puts me in a “Triple” position” to have people compliment my vehicles. Anyway or anytime someone takes a moment to say something nice about one of my cars, I always have to remind myself that I am indeed a very Grateful man.

As I drove on to my next appointment my mood was elevated indeed! We all forget that sometimes it is just the little thing that we can do for others that can help them if they are having a bit of a difficult day and sometimes, more often then not it can help us with our own little mood quite a bit as well, and this in turn may just continue through the day. And when we get home maybe it wouldn’t have been such a long tiring day, maybe it will just be just one of those days where you are a little bit tired, but you still have energy to play with the Dog, or maybe take your GF or Wife out who knows, but the point here is this, if you want to run around all day in a grumpy mood, it is very likely that you will end that day in that mood, and you will pass that Grumpy mood on to others that are near you, and sometimes it just takes a quick question to pass a long a good mood to someone who could really use it, and sometimes they may just need it for a few more minutes and that could make all the difference in the world to them? Anyways, that was just my thought for the day, and Thank you to the young man that took the time to ask me about my car and to compliment me on the car. If by some chance you are out there and reading this, My Lunch meeting went very well, and I hope your day went just as well!

Cheers!

 

Well, I will start with this simple premise that I am a lucky man, and the people that I consider my friends are so much more. I have been so very lucky with life and even though I have a few walls around me, my friends are bigger, much bigger and it is thru their strength that I excell!

 

The Five minute love Storyof my life

So here is a little story of the heart, one that has never slipped out beyond my mouth. I share this simply because I wish to share it. I think it is kind of a funny simple love story that never grew beyond a few minutes. So here we go!

I often wished that I could be one of those guys who could sit down and throw out a few words and they could or would be interesting to someone out there? And who knows maybe there is some person out there that reads some words I write from time to time and it makes them think about something or someone that they haven’t thought about in a long time. This would be a blessing, and I know that there are people that sometimes write things and when I read them and they often remind me of a lost love or lost ideas of love and friendship. Bringing all this up sort of reminds me of a time when I was about six or seven years old and my younger Brother and I were taking a Bus to Kentucky to stay with my Grandparents for a while. It seemed that this was how my parents got rid of my Brother Edward and I for the Summer. The first time we went was because my Mother had some health issues. And she thought it would help if my Brother and I would be out of town for a little while, so we were sent down to this little place in Kentucky called “Wingo”, I am serious, you can look it up on a map. I’ll wait if you like?………Anyways, one of the trips, I cannot remember if it was the first or the second trip we had stopped at some bus stop in some town in some where and I remember seeing this little girl and she had to be about my age, I may have been Seven now that I think about it?

Anyways, I saw this little girl at the bus station while we were waiting for the new round of people to load up on the Bus’s around our as well as our bus, and my Brother and I had jumped off the bus to grab an Orange Soda for him and a Dr. Pepper for me. I remember that I always bought Dr. Pepper when I went down south because they didn’t sell it up North when I was a kid, and it was my Favorite Soda. So I see this little girl, and I still remember what she looked like to this day. And we had a brief Moment before my Bus was leaving and she was going to catch another bus with her Mom, or what looked like her Mom? Anyways we never took our eyes off of each other while the entire thing was going on, and I wanted to be able to think of a way that I could tell her my name and that there was some way that she could tell me hers. I knew right then and there that this was the woman that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, but I couldn’t even find out her name or where she was going? My Brother and I had kind of split up seats as we met these two older guys and they were really cool, they were like “Rockabilly” but this was back in the late sixties, so I guess they were just what they were for back then. They were really nice guys and they traded seats so that I could sit with the one guy and my Brother Ed, sat with the other guy. Funny I remember everything else except their names?

Anyways, the guy I was sitting with saw me looking out the window at this little girl, and he laughed at me and said “Are you staring at that little girl over there?” and I said “Kind of, I guess?” and he started laughing at me and said; “I guess they start pretty early up North huh?” I just looked at him and said, “I guess so?” I had no idea what he was talking about, all I knew that the girl that was drifting away and I might not ever see her again, and here she was supposed to be everything in the world to me back then. I could tell that she felt the same way because of the way she was looking at me. I don’t think to this day some 30 off years later, I have ever had a Woman look at me like this girl was looking at me! As she boarded her Bus, she held onto her Mothers hand, but she didn’t take her eyes off of mine, and I could see her as she walked down the aisle of the bus. Back then they used to park the bus’s real close back then and one an angle, so you could see everyone on the other Bus. So This girl and I are watching each other and I am trying to think of something to do, and I have nothing, I mean I was only Seven, so it wasn’t like I had a cell phone or a Business card? My parents had always pushed me to draw and write because these were things that they knew I enjoyed doing? So at the last Moment, I got this idea, I took my note pad and I wrote in big Letters on it, DETROIT. I don’t why I did this, I guess in my brain that there was going to be some big Romantic moment where by some twist of fate it would turn out that we some how had gone to the same school or maybe she lived around the block or was the cousin of one of my friends? I don’t know, but all I did know was that I had to do something, because if I didn’t then I would always kick myself for not trying anything.

Well, as I am sure you can guess by this point in the Story that I never did get the chance to meet up with “my 5 minute love of my life”, but at least I tried, and I think that in her heart, or at least I hope that somewhere in her Heart that was a Moment where she remembers a childhood moment where some crazy kid tried to tell her he was from Detroit, and that he wanted her? And that she knew right then at that Moment that all of those Fairy Tale love stories and all of those Romantic Movies she would grow and watch with her Mom, that she had at least one Moment in her life, where there was some crazy Kid who would have jumped on her Bus just to be with her and he had dreamed what life with her for the rest of his life would have been like?

So here I am some 30 odd years later, and I have learned a few things about life or so, but the one thing I think I have come to believe and that is this, there is no time frame for love, and there is no Border for love, and most importantly if you want something, you have to at least try, because if you don’t try, you’ll never have some silly story about some person you saw at a bus stop when you were just Seven years old…..

For the record, often when I am kicking back and I am relaxing and thinking about life and some of the choices I have made, this little tale comes into my heart, and I am still Happy that I did what I did, and I will always Wonder, what ever happened to that Beautiful little Girl?

I hope that life treated as well as I dream I would have treated her!!!

An old one that I like everytime I read it!

Sometimes I will take my time and re-read some of the old stuff I have written, usually I like it however there are times that I do like what I have written. However, for some reason this happens about once a year? Anyways, there was a time or should I say there are sometimes when I feel like this particular post.

 The Original Title was: Somedays like an Old Bear…..Quietness

The original post Date:  August 13, 2008

Too often these days I look and feel like it is me that fell off the log! So much has gone from my life it makes it difficult to even pretend that I have a reason anymore. I want the smile that others possess I want the laughter I hear in the distance. But, there are too many days where I fear it will never be again? I wake up and I ask myself who is going to take care of this old Bear? As that is what I feel like, an old Bear in the woods that can no longer provide itself with food, let alone a family. An old Bear that is caught in the woods fighting off the younger bears for the cave I used to call home! At other times I feel like the person watching the Discovery Channel and I see this old Bear who has fought for its area and ruled its terrain with vigor. I start to see this bear who ran everything with a ruling fist, who has now become an old tired worn out raggidy Bear who is possibly showing signs of dementia and his coat is wearing thin, along with his heart.

This is how I feel these days, and I don’t want to, it is just the way I am for the time being! Maybe a new spring will come along and I will be able to rise up again, and then I will have my land back, and my coat will fill in like it is supposed to and during this time, this old bear will reign once again! (But, sometimes I fear in my heart that this is just one of those summer dreams that we all have from time to time, and I will wake up and my fur will still be messy, and I will still be hungry, and I will slowly come to realize that it might just be my time.)

Yes, this is how I feel more times then not, and I wished I didn’t!

I know I have been away for quite some time, the pain has grown stronger and the fear is still behind the corner waiting. I just don’t know what else to do? I will be back asap. Thanks to those who have found me!

—

My feelings at times are still much the same and as much I wish that they were not like this, but as far as I know there are many people that feel like this? This could come with age, and it could be part of my illness, but to be honest I think it is a combination of both of these things. These days a year later I still feel like an Old Bear, and I still feel like this ground is mine and if you want to try, C’mon!   (Then this again maybe just a good day?) lol

So, we will see how I am a year from now and if I still want to take my ground back! I hope you can find some relation to this post and if not, maybe you will!

 

Police and their “Yee Haw” Behavior!

Ok, so I found this post about this guy who has someone breaking into his house and he calls 911, and has the people at 911 on the phone while he cornors the guy with his own gun.

Ok, this is the gist of the story, and I will post this link here, read it I think you’ll find it interesting.

Here is the latest link about how the cops found the police officer was acting with in reasonable force.

http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2009/09/phoenix_officer_who_shot_homeo.php

Read this article and  then read the link below which is from the “Court house News Service.” It provides the story in more details.

 http://www.courthousenews.com/2009/09/23/Family_Says_911_Tape_Caught_Cops_Planning_Cover-Up_After_Shooting.htm

 

Now this is obvious just my opinion, and I am basing my opinion on a number of factors. The first being the article from the Court house news service web site and the second basis is just common sense. Once you read this you too will see just how out of control and how much these cops had tried to cover this up!

There is obvious intent to cover up the incident, which can be heard on the tape, things such as “According to the complaint, Ofcr Lilly can be heard on the 911 tape telling Coutts, “We fucked up.”  Then the report goes on to say that the other Officer a Sgt Coutts; “The complaint continues: “Still not knowing that he is being recorded n the 911 tape, Sgt. Coutts interrupted Officer Lilly’s admission and apology with his assurance that the cover-up would commence: ‘That’s all right. Don’t worry about it. I got your back. … We clear?’”

This conversation can be heard on the 911 call as the cops didn’t know that it was still recording.

How, I mean really How could the Police dept knowing all of this info say that this guy acted within Board policy? If that is how police are supoosed to act I will never be calling one again, this is basically stormtrooper behavior!
 Also the officer says on the 911 tape that he didn’t know which way the guy was pointing the gun or if he could see a gun? Ok so let’s say he could see the guy holding the gun and let’s go so far to say that maybe the homeowner accidently pointed the gun at the cop, how did the homeowner get shot 6 times in the back? (According to the resports two of those shots happened while the guy was on the floor already!)

All of this is scary and I cannot believe that the Police says the guy acted within board policy, however I expect them to protect themself. If the one officer was going to try and cover up the incident right when it happened, why wouldn’t they try to do this as a group!

I am a Gun owning Republican and I cannot believe that this behavior is tolerated anywhere in the US. I hope that when they go to the civil trial these two cops get 25 years in jail and the homeowner gets any amount of money that he asks for! ($5.2 million isn’t enough in my eyes!)

I am sure I am not bringing up anything a good attorney would bring up, but for fucks sake people, how do the good people in Arizona tolerate this kind of behavior?

The Value of a person in their 40’s

Tonight my heart is bleeding for a friend. We all have to and must deal with a loved one passing, but there are some in life that it appears on the outside at least that the life they have is great?   They live in the part of the world they want, they play the way they want, they can work and choose to work the way they want. But the common denominator which we all must deal with will undoubtedly touch them as well as us.

It seems that for some reason that I have a ring side seat this time, nothing on the floor, or nothing on the “Paint”, just a seat that keeps me one or two rows back. But from this location I can see my friends pain, and I worry about how they are going to come out of all of this? We are all fragile, some more then others. But life can seem cruel and it can seem harsh especially when it is sometimes taken in ones 20’s to 30’s…..Life hasn’t blossomed, Life cannot really begin to grow till one reaches their 40’s…..I heard this once, years and years ago. I heard someone say; “A man’s life isn’t worth shit till he reaches his 40’s..” At first I thought it was kind of stupid, I thought it was someone just trying to justify their own late start?

Then one day, I crossed over into my 40’s and I still felt like Shit? But, as time went by I started to notice a few things, I wasn’t as edgy as I was before, and I noticed that Woman were starting to look more classically beautiful then they ever had before? And I noticed that men thought a little more before they spoke, myself included. So with all of this excitement of turning forty, and all of the ideas that can be conveys and shared with the world, I look at people who are too afraid to admit they are turning 40?

And the sadness that really breaks my heart is to know that some, won’t make it to 40 or even their mid 40’s where I can speak from experience, life actually does begin to get better.  I almost didn’t, as I had plan to end my life many times before I turned 40? But now as I sit here in the first or second row and I look at my friends and I can share their heart beats per second and I am in an almost perfect sync with their breaths, and for one of them them I can see that they, or at least it appears that one of them, will never make it over the big hump of their mid 40’s,  they will just start to scratch the ice and for some reason……for some reason they may or may not make it past that hump. I am not saying that the people I am sharing my heart with won’t make it tonight? In fact I really hope they do, I, well I who have abstained from all religious affairs for most of my adult life have actually said an unconcious type of prayer? It is never easy, and It will always hurt, but that is part of the price we pay to enjoy those special people that are willing to give themselves to us.

One of the nice things I have learned after turning 40 is that I am willing to give more of myself for others bearings of pain. I have held my share, and I know my tolerence for pain, so there are times that I wish I could pull my friends away and let them avoid the pain and the emptiness. However, the truth of this is that we all must endure pain to grow and we all must feel emtiness so that we can feel the fullness of love and joy of friendship, only sometimes this pain and emptiness  comes at 14, and sometimes it will arrive at 24 or 34 and even 44. The point I am attempting to make here is that too often we take life fore granted and we don’t allow ourselves the chance to learn when life wants us to learn. We may have to try to learn earlier, and sometimes lighter. But there is a reason, and a time, and a dose of pain for all of us and we can only hope that we are in a position to deal with it, or at least we have someone who can help us? And hopefully, that person will be at least in their mid 40’s or more?

So my friends, all I know are a few words, and these words are not always the best, but please, please know that my Heart is with you and there is a light behind my eye that will stay lit for you and if you should ever need anything, please call out my name and I shall do what I can to be there for you, as we all need salvation at times and it can come in many different ways so let those around you help you because like you I know I have made a mistake or two and there is someone outthere who knows I have messed up on more then a few times, just as you have, so here we are together for a better reason….The reason is your choice and your choice is to grow and help or to hide and avoid all the great things in life.

All I know is that there are times in life when something might like this might make sense  to you, and others when it will not. But, I hope you will know when it is time for you to see that a situation like this is part of your life.

Religion, Philosophy and the Public fear of the unknown…

I have always known that Religion is a touchy subject, and that many people can get really worked up about it. After all more Blood has been spilled in the name of Religion then for any other cause. No w outside of the complete and silly irony of this, I have always found the idea of killing someone because of their Religious beliefs to be quite laughable!

Most religions have the a basic precepts, ie..Do not Kill, Treat your neighbor as you would yourself, Don’t Steal, take care of those who cannot take care of themselves, and so on and so on. But one of the many kickers for me is that people continue to fight and kill in the name of religion, yet they still claim to be pious. And ironically even the word pious has a few different definitions, so maybe I should say that they still claim to be devout to their chosen Religion.

What brings this up today you ask? Well, I have always been somewhat of a “searcher” or someone who is open to learning various religions and religious views, often with the hope of maybe finding something that I could find elements that I felt were worth adhering to?  Well, I am currently reading one of many books I own on the subject of Kabbalah. I say many because I have the tendency to dive into a subject and buy what ever looks as if it may possess information on the subject. So I usually end up buying a number of books and hope that a few of them will offer counter view points as this helps me in a number of ways, some of them being it allows me to see some of the ideology brought about in some different viewpoints, but it also reminds me that just because one person view it as the all and everything, others may look at it as “guidelines & ideas” rather then Dogmatic structure.

So I am at my parents house and I have one of the books with me and I am about to take off for the afternoon, but I know I will be back in a little while. So I ask if I can just leave that book on the breakfast table and grab it when I get back? My Mother without knowing what the book is, says yes and that is the end of that. Or so one would suspect?

About two – three hours later, my Father comes to the room I am and I am replying to e-mails and the such and he says “Is this your book?” and I say “yes, I must have forgotten it upstairs, thanks.” He looks ta the cover and says that he “never wants to see these kind of books left upstairs again” as this one was sitting in front of my mother. (I have no idea what this meant, but chose to leave it at that!). So I say ok, no worries and he hands me the book. He then says, “I know you’re searching, but I don’t want stuff like that upstairs.” Once again I say “ok, no problem”. But he has this look in his eye that he wants to say something else?  He says, “look it is just that I don’t like these kind of books upstairs where anyone can see them and that you, (Meaning me), should keep them downstairs, because “he knows I am searching and that it should just stay with me.”

Now, he is my thoughts? I have never said anything to anyone in my family about these books or the subject of Kabbalah, nor have I ever left one of these books upstairs before? But, what is it that could have made him feel so strong about this subject? Let me state this hear and now, My Family is by no means a Religious Family, I honestly cannot remember the last time any of them have ever stepped into a Church of any kind? I do know that my Father or Step Father as the case may be was raised Catholic, but I have never heard him even mention anything about God, or Jesus or going to search, or even really celebrating Christmas for any other reason then the “Gift Giving”

So why the concern, why the slim element of fear just from the books title? I have mentioned to others in my family, now that I think about it, that I have studied Kabbalah, but I would say that I have tried to make anyone else read it? And the part that also makes me wonder why this small element of fear brought itself to the surface is that the Title of the book is fairly innocuous. All it really says on the cover is “The way of the Kabbalist (A users guide to the technology of the Soul) By Yehuda Berg.  (Maybe it was the name of the person who wrote the book? I have always kind of said in a certian way that I felt closer Judaism then any other Religion. But never to my Step Father.)  Now normally I think if I saw something like that, and I had no idea what Kabbalah was I would assume that maybe it was a tech book? (As I am a bit of a tech geek.) I am not sure and I am a little confused about this sudden concern for what kind of books I can leave around the house, especially because I am the “Searcher”.  I wonder if my copies of “Catcher in the Rye” will be burned as an excuse to start a BBQ?  Or if there will be an intervention for me on the subject of my reading lists and my lack of attendance at the local Church? (But how will they know if they don’t go themselves?

I guess the reason I am bringing this up is that, I have never had my parents tell me that certian books could not be read in some areas of the house? I have been studying Philosophy for approx 30 years give or take. But they never had to took away any of my Nietzsche Books or hide my copies of Plato’s works or even any of the obscure and somewhat and sometimes psychopathic books that I have come across while reading various books under the guise of “searching”!

For me it is just interesting for me to see him/them get that little fear in their eyes when they learn that I am reading something that doesn’t follow the Normal idea of Religion, at least not to them….

I have always said that the people with the most to hide are the ones to yell about someone doing something wrong, maybe this is just their way of pointing at me so that they will feel better about themself and their “deeds”??

Something about the one thing that was something

This is repost as I didn’t like the lay out and I wanted to change a few things.

It’s the middle of the night and all I really want to do is sleep, but my body is once again fighting me. Like it has since I was a small child. I got the idea that I would go to one of the message boards and ask a question, a question that no one can really answer, but I wanted it there more as an identifier to myself? To prove to myself that I am asking these questions, because there are times that I think just by the simple act of asking a question you are providing yourself with resolve? I am not sure though?

It seems that when I think of these questions, they are usually late at night, and they are usually an internal question that only I can ask, but for some reason, like the chick that looks in the mirror and asks her new boy friend; “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” The obvious answer is no honey! With a silent mumble to one’s self that it isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat, it is that you have a fat butt!

My point being is that I believe I know the answer, but there is this feeling of idealism that I have at least done my job, that I have tried to get an objective answer. But for matters like this question, there is no objectivity, only loose based self indulgent opinions that really no matter more then the rumblings regarding the fat ass. The answer is there, like the Woman, I really don’t wish to hear the honest answer. This of course why I ask a group of strangers this question, so I will get the answer I want, and I can hide the truth regarding my fat ass in those snug jeans like everyone else does.

The pain never really stops, it just pauses at times. It is honestly better to be hated for what people think I am, then to hate myself for what they want me to be!

Lack of sleep and thoughts of friends

What can I say, once again it is the middle of the night and I cannot sleep? I surf and read other peoples bligs and have about 10,000 thoughts, but nothing that I can hold onto so that I can write anything of consequence? My plan is to go to sleep, my thoughts say, “Yes, this is good idea!”, however my body doesn’t agree, so I will likley be awake till dawn and only then will I be sure that the Vampires will stay away!

Late nights and Bukowski…

Mad were the nights I now long for when I stayed up till all hours reading Bukowski and laughing at his insane views of the world. Times when I would laugh and sneer at the same time only to begin a tear from the thought of a lost love from once long ago. It is when I read Bukowski that I remember the mad insane nights of Women and booze. Often looking back over the evening and wondering if she was the one? Was there ever a “One”? Why did I honestly think that there had to be a “One?

 

Alas, this is what reading Bukowski did for me, to me, it brought me back to all of my lost loves, to all the ideas of the perfect women in what that one author, who for some reason I cannot remember his name at the time, but he would have called a misogynistic idea of love? To love the women for what she was, that was why one loved her, not to love the women for what society had created, as this was the problem, this was the ill created monster of some immature boy’s idea of what a woman should be? Bukowski and women always go together, like well? Like Ham and Cheese, or like any two things that we often put together because of the direct relationship we have been taught. But how does one love a women for what she really is and not for the idea of women?

 

Bukowski was the master of this idea, as he was the master of so many things and wild ideas that often never should be shared with people who have never read his wild ass prose. His inability to make himself a truly great author was what made him the author that one should read if for no other reason then to examine ones ideas of what you think are correct when it comes to women. His ability to share and convey wild ideas and concepts that too often make one laugh or cry in the middle of the night and make you feel like a long lost old friend is telling you the story about how you had the one woman who walked out because you made that one mistake and yet he continues to tell you how what ever it was that you did was actually the right thing to do!

 

I often become nostalgic for many things, but when it comes to two things that have made me laugh and cry, Bukowski is the one that remains with me through out my life and I am still laughing!!!

Memories, Lies and a Great few weeks

Often our memories are traitors to themselves and it is usually in a favorable way at first, after that we realize that the memory is more of a trickster then we could have ever hoped. For example, I have been known to think about people I used to know and I have great memories of them, and then when we meet and we see how time and age has done to us, we both understand that we have grown, matured and changed. Some people for the better and some people worse. This is all part of the game of life.

I remember that when I was much younger I had this semi-girlfriend and she and I were getting along amazingly. We both were interested in the same books, the same music and even the same diet habits. I have always thought of myself as a bit advanced when it came to these things, and when I encountered someone who shared these ideas, it was often a stranger attraction for me then just the visual appearance. (It is funny, she gave me a book that I have carried with me my whole life. It is no great piece of literature, but it was something to remind me that life can be a little simpler then one often thinks?

Then life happened, she was sent away to live in another state for a school her parents thought would be better for her. I was crushed! We wrote often at first, but like many young loves time dictates the emotional distance. And after a year I had all but given hope for this woman, I was convinced she was gone and it was time for me to move on……….Then one day about a year and a half later I get a phone call, and I recognized the voice with out hesitation. It was her, and my Heart fluttered as she spoke, and I was full of hope, and for me this was a big deal! I had been going thru somewhat of a bad time and there was light on the horizon!!!!! We set a time to meet and I went to the proposed spot, knocked on the door and this incredible woman answered the door, and thank god she looked at me and said; “Shawn it is so great to see you, I have missed you for so long and she started hugging me! I was a little drawn back as I didn’t recognize who this was at first? Then it hit me…..it was her, the woman who had left almost a year and a half ago! She was beautiful actually she was more like stunning! I couldn’t believe it, here was a woman who shared everything that I loved and she was a dream come true!

We sat on the porch and talked, we went to dinner and even for a walk and this whole time I kept thinking, “Is this for real? Is this really the same person that I had fallen in love with a while back? I mean at first I had accepted everything about her, her odd past, her strange childhood and the way with which she was brought up. She was even out of the normal for a woman that I would have dated, but she had such a strong character that I couldn’t help myself with her. (Too be really honest, I have always had a thing for really skinny woman, and this woman was not skinny, she was not fat, but she was a few pounds over weight this was for sure. And when she came back she was perfect, even to this day when I think about her and I see pictures of her from back then, I still feel the love for her that I did then. The sad truth was that she was only in town for a short period I think it was a few weeks? But I do know that this woman taught me more about life then many other relationships that I have been in for much longer times. And if she never reads this, I still thank her for a fantastic part of my youth.

I do know that I haven’t captured all of what I wish to say here, but I did want to make a few points and I think I have succeeded in doing that? So why do I mention this? Because as I said earlier, our memories like to lie to us and if we listen to them, they will continue to do so, and then they will throw a little anxiety in there just for fun, but if we take a chance and look around the corner we can at times be very surprised! So look up your old friends and your old flames and remember that even though they have changed remember more importantly that you too have changed. We have to, it is called life, live enjoy it and remember to take the step that the person next to you wouldn’t take! If you can do this, your life will be at least one step closer to being fulfilled, or maybe a half a step?